Message ID: 387571
Posted By:
Posted On: 2006-07-06 10:54:00
Subject: Expert:Unlike Asteroid SCO to Hit Earth

Unlike the asteroid that recently missed Earth by a minute distance in excess of 200,000 miles, SCOX is expected to impact the planet "like a warm cowpie, or maybe more like a half barrel of bricks, or perhaps like the legendary Humpty Dumpty", according to an Expert in Stuff Like That.

"Although SCOX appears to have significant mass, people shouldn't worry too much, because it's actually mostly gas. In preparation, I would suggest that people who live in the area immediately surrounding the impact zone wear clothes pegs on their noses to protect themselves from the olfactory danger, which is very real."

Message ID: 387594
Posted By:
Posted On: 2006-07-06 11:24:00
Subject: SCOX Stock Approaches TP Threshold!!!

In the wake of a devestating loss in their kamikaze lawsuit against IBM, SCOX stock is defying physics by plummeting towards Earth faster than, say, an anvil might.

At its current rate, the stock should soon cross the Toilet Paper threshold, meaning that the actual value of a single share will be less than that of a square of generic 2-ply bathroom tissue.

Message ID: 388263
Posted By:
Posted On: 2006-07-07 16:48:00
Subject: Update: Asteroid Misses, SCOX to hit!!!

Yesterday an Expert opined that, unlike the asteroid that narrowly missed Earth by a few hundred thousand miles recently, SCOX has a trajectory that has it careening toward our planet at an alarming rate!!!

Astronomers can't accurately predict where the impact zone will be, but say that the head of Darl McBride should survive re-entry more or less intact, due to its incredible density.

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